Hi, I'm Awkward, and not to be cool.

I am super fucking awkward.

Now, when I say I’m awkward, I’m not meaning the “hehe I’m awkward bc guys think it’s cute and I want everyone to love me,” awkward. I’m saying this because I really am awkward.

I used to be a super people-person. Then it magically came to me one day that why the fuck am I people person when I don’t like a lot of people? I started speaking my mind to people instead of telling them what they wanted to hear, I started being the biggest bitch because that’s apparently what my opinion gave off to people. This turned people a really wrong way and the opposite way away from me. Needless to say, I don’t have very many friends because of this, but I’m trying to work on being the person that I was before (for some unknown reason.)

Let’s start off my awkward situation with the fact that I was a bitch in high school and I was kind of a slut. I say this with not the utmost being proud of myself, but with honesty. I believe I’ve explained what I think is my “explanation” before, even if this isn’t necessarily something people should do, and I ultimately feel that way. What being a slut in high school also meant, was being hated by a ton of people for no reason (well, maybe some of them had reasons as well.) 

I’ll give you just a few examples of why people disliked me:

- I stole their boyfriend / significant other because I felt that they needed to be “mine” and not theirs. 

- I called people out for the things they REALLY did. A girl in my high school sent nudes to everyone and denied it when I called her out for it. It was a shitshow. 

- I coerced people into thinking certain people were terrible and that they shouldn’t be involved in their life

- I slept with people and then would trash talk them

AND FINALLY…

- I called every hoe out for being a hoe. Regardless of if I had facts.

That last one was the one that really took the cake in high school. As a matter of fact, I could probably recall to you every time it happened. I can tell you now that I ended up being right in the end. Maybe not at the time, but in the end I AM FUCKING RIGHT! 

I dated (really, just had sex with) a man I had gone to elementary school with. We weren’t close when we were young, but we were starting to get close. We hung out, kind of dated (without the penetration) and then things ended. Whoop de doo, right? Well, I really wish I could’ve stopped at that point, but in high school, I just did not know when to quit. (Bc I really just wanted someone to love me the way that I loved one person—but that’s a different story)

I had gone about my merry way with our “relationship” ending until three or four months later when he decided our “relationship” was worth a somewhat rekindling, and I stupidly accepted. Basically, that night, all he wanted from me was to get what he wanted. I’m not saying that it wasn’t a traumatic experience, because I still remember every little piece of what happened, but I’m saying that I put myself in that situation. Whether what he did was right or wrong, I had let it seemingly happen, and that’s the thing I decided to put myself through because I thought I could handle it. 

I was wrong. I couldn’t handle it. We (more so HE) had sex, and then just got up and was like “ha I’m done and now you need to leave.” He had picked me up from where I was (which wasn’t MY house) and he was my ride back to that location so I could get home. He basically told me at the time AND I QUOTE, his “ex-girlfriend was coming over and would kill you if you’re here since her and I had just had sex last night.” Ba dum tssss…. that’s the part I couldn’t handle. I couldn’t handle knowing that there was someone else for this man out there and that I was just his piece of ass. Basically, I threw a fit. I got in the car and just completely shut down. He knew that I wasn’t this kind of person, so being the douche bag he was, he tried to talk to me about it. I cried and screamed and kicked my feet around like a two year old, because what he did was fucked up. I understand that I put myself in that situation, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t fucked up. 

He returned me to my location, and that was it. 

WAIT. No IT WASN’T. My life is way too un-perfect for that kind of ending. HE started dating one of my best friends in high school. Maybe this was karma for me doing the same thing to my then ex-best friend, but it still hurt. She knew that he and I were a thing, so when I found out that they were in a relationship one week after this had all happened, I threw a fit to him because first: i didn’t want him to treat her like he did me, but then second: I realized he wasn't treating her like shit, and I wanted to know why I got treated like shit and she did not (we were VERY alike. Many people thought we were twins and we pretty much had the same personality, so I didn’t understand.) She, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care and our relationship OBVIOUSLY dwindled at this point in life because she was hanging out with him while I was resenting the both of them. 

*KEEP IN MIND… this guy wasn’t in high school and we were both sophomores/transitioning into juniors at this time. He was around 20/21 while we were 16/17. So two different mentalities. He had a completely fucked up life at the time, involving drugs & tons of alcohol and wasn’t in a good place*

He, like the so concerned citizen he is, was terrified that I was pissed off at him and worried for my sanity. He was so concerned that he asked her how I felt about it (because he obviously couldn’t talk to me) and wanted to know if I was okay with it, how I was feeling in general, etc.) This pissed me off even more because she didn’t know what happened. She didn’t know that he had made me feel the way that he did and she thought everything was okay that she could just up and ask me that question. Forgetting that she broke the “girl code,” she thought it was okay. I see now why this was a thing, but at the same time it bothered me even more. And it pushed me away from her. 

Jumping forward from this point, there was a girl that always disliked me. She claimed she was a Jesus worshipper and Holy Virgin until two months after all of the above happened, my then 16 year old cousin asked a 17 year old me to buy him Plan B. I agreed, but only if I know who it is. When I found out it was her, I laughed hysterically and refused. This was immature at the time, yes, but I was a hateful bitch. 

This girl now has a child with the man that was discussed above. I don’t know how it happened, but I have some idea of it. I’m trying so hard to make my life a better place for myself and to ease my mind of everything that has happened, because a person can only suppress things for so long until they drive them mad at wanting that person in their life in a friendly way. 

i don’t want enemies anymore. I no longer think it’s cool to make fun of someone for going through something that my siblings have and something I could have very well gone through in high school. 

I was in church with my parents about a year ago at our home parish (there’s a lot that’s happened, so we haven’t gone to mass there in a long time.) I really wasn’t feeling being all “yes, peace be with you” that day and decided to only face forward and talk to my extended family that was in front of me, then regretting it because i figured the people behind me thought I was a real bitch. I went to communion on my merry way until the end of mass when my father turned around to talk to the people behind us. I, naturally being the nosey person that I am, turned around to see who he was talking to. It was his mother, and he was sitting right behind me with his father and child. My stomach ultimately just churned with something I’ve never felt in my stomach before, and I sprinted out of the building and just started crying. I literally couldn’t explain it, and I still can’t to this day. It still makes me sad, but something in me makes me want to be friends with him again. 

So I added him on Facebook.

Because I’m fucking awkward. 

What does he do? He messages me. Demands an explanation as to why I would dare add him.

And I hide behind this blog post because I’m nervous. 

Struggle bus. Passenger: Me

At this very moment, I am contemplating my relationship. I feel so terrible about it, but what else do I do other than ask the Erodr world about it. Yes, it took me almost 2 minutes to get my computer to stop auto-correcting Erodr. Before I go further into detail, let me somewhat explain my love life situation. I have been dating my current boyfriend for over a year now, and there are times where he annoys me, but there are other times where he’s the greatest individual in the world, too. 

When I met him, he was not going to school. He was pursuing something that his brother had fell into luck in, and he thought he could get in the same situation. —His brother works for a prestigious bank with an associate’s degree. It’s not common and something that just happened by chance to his brother.— He was working at the university that I attend(ed) and it all seemed hunky-dory. He then decided that he wanted to go to school to pursue something that he rather enjoyed, or seemed to enjoy when he talked about it, and things were looking up. Things were looking up until the other day when he took his calculus test and came out all sad saying that he was pretty sure he failed it. I thought there was some hope for the situation, until I saw his GPA today and the list of grades from his classes. He got a D- in the calculus class, and his GPA accumulated to roughly (one grade wasn’t in yet) a 1.3. This obviously terrified me, and I thought it would him as well, but he seemed to have absolutely no problem with it. 

The past couple of days he has been discussing law school. I know any major can go to law school, but he seems to focus on those majors that are “by-chance” majors, as I like to call them. The major he was going in to seemed good, and he seemed pumped about it, but the discussion of law school seemed completely out of hand. Tonight, as he was revealing his GPA to me, he did not seem worried at all. He just blew it off like it was no big deal. He then says he “can still get into law school with a GPA like that.” When asking him what he would want to do with that degree, he stated he did not know, and basically that he just didn’t know about school in general anymore. Which is terrifying. 

I am literally at a complete loss for words. I don’t know what to say to him, and I’m pretty sure he knows it and can sense it as well. He began crying and walked outside and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I say this, because I thought everything was all mapped out. My plan for life, his plan for life, and what we were going to do together—when our lives were going to mesh, how everything was going to pan out;etc. I am going into a major that is known as not paying so well. This aggravates my parents greatly, but I am not sure if there is much of anything that I can do about it, it is something that I have thought about since high school but have been terrified to tell my parents anything about it. 

People of Erodr obviously did not help me much at all. They told me to basically just end it, because if anything were to happen like that, they’d be terrified enough to do the same thing. Some people even put their two cents in it and discussed that they’ve been in similar situations. One girl told me that I’d be a bitch if I did, and maybe he deserved a better girl anyway if I were to be like this. None of this helped my state of mind recently-with not thinking that I’m good enough for him- and didn’t help my state of mind now. 

The struggle of relationships is hard, guys 

But that's none of my business...

Today, I made a playlist on Spotify titled “himom” while blasting Christmas songs to annoy the living shit out of my roommate. That’s where i’m at in life. 

I know I’ve complained about my roommates before, but let’s just say it hasn’t gotten one bit better. My boyfriend is my neighbor, as we have established, and he’s a wonderful person. One of my roommates, however, does not like that. She does not like him one bit and I’m not sure if it’s the fact that they’re around the same age and her boyfriend doesn’t come over here all the time or what. (Note: her boyfriend doesn’t come over here because he’s still in high school…) It’s been an ongoing battle to attempt to be civil with this human being, if I can even call her that. 

I feel that as a human being, you have the responsibility to pick up after yourself. We learn this so young that I don’t understand why someone would just magically forget. At the daycare I work at, the little tottlings (they are 2 and 3) sing “clean up, clean up” without any of our starting. My room at my parents house can look absolutely ridiculously messy, but I would never let a common area of my house that I share with other people that are not my family with. This person, however, does not know how to human.

Things that are “acceptable” in my roommate’s book of “life”:

Taking out the trash twice. Ever.

Leaving food in the fridge for months to where it starts growing. 

Using other people’s bathrooms, but never letting anyone use hers. (Her bathroom is what is supposed to, in our house, be a public bathroom. It has a hallway door as well as a bedroom door and is in the common areas of the house. AKA: semi-public bathroom.)

Freeloading off of others’ goods.

Leaving every light on in every room that they have stepped in, regardless if they are in it currently or not.

Texting, calling, pounding on the door at 2:45 AM to let them in the house because they forgot their keys and are (illegally) drunk. Then proceeds to complain and bitch that they’ll “sleep somewhere else” since we didn’t answer her. 

Complaining that there are no goods (such as trash bags, paper towels) but not ever buying a thing that people (publicly) use. 

Complaining that “there isn’t enough room” in the pantry for their stuff, even though they don’t buy things to put in said pantry. 

Complaining about how dirty said room is, but not doing a thing to care about it. 

Turning up the heat or the A/C down without consideration for other roommates. (Heat rises and cold air falls, as we’ve learned from science. Said person is the only one that has a basement bedroom, so it naturally gets colder when the A/C is on and cooler in the winter, too, since the heat is going upstairs. Said person will turn the A/C warmer and the heat warmer as well since they are “cold.” Meanwhile, I’m burning my ass off upstairs with the fan on and window open. In the middle of the winter.)

Putting glass jars of used food (sauces, etc) in the dishwasher without washing paper labels off first. Thus putting paper all over other dishes in dishwasher. Then complains about how no one unloaded the dishwasher. 

Putting plastic forks/spoons/knives in the dishwasher.

If you’re this kind of person, consider changing yourself. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing to be this kind of person, maybe if you live with your parents. Your parents are supposed to love you unconditionally, so they probably wouldn’t get as mad at you versus some random person you moved in with. I’m pretty sure they’ll all care about it, but not want to say anything due to fear of what saying something will do to said persons mental health. These things, in my opinion, are common known things that people should figure out in life and then stop doing. Not keep doing it.

*sips tea* but that’s none of my business.

Can I just say that today was a very shitty end to a week that was going fantastic? Because that’s literally the only words that I can use to describe it. 

First, I came to work for the Christmas party.  I work at a daycare and they were having a “school-wide” party that the children had so kindly asked me to come to, and one of my coworkers said to come just to give an extra helping hand. SO I did, even though I was a bit nervous about what other people would say with me being there. I get there and (there are two teachers in my ‘classroom’) teacher A is all excited to see me, as are the children, and is like “I’m so glad you came!” etc. Teacher B comes down the stairs and is like “why are you here? there’s no reason that you need to be here, especially if (our boss) doesn’t know that you’re here” and was straight up rude to me. She acted like I was a nuisance for being there and that I had no right to be there. 

So, we go upstairs. We’re met at the top of the elevator with the rest of the school (probably nearly 30 people) singing Christmas carols and our boss is up there as well. She looked angry at first (but she always seems to look angry) and then saw me and I got all scared and she says “Oh goodness! Thank you for coming!” etc. Because clearly the lady needed help since only one of the teachers was supposed to be going around and doing things with the children. 

Needless to say, the day got even awkwarder after the party ended and it was “nap time.” Normally my shift is 1:30 on Friday’s, and it was around 1:15 as the children were taking a nap. She dismisses me out the door and says “thanks for helping, but you need to leave now.” —feeling so loved at this point in time—so I went to the bathroom and cried. (I’m an easy crier, especially here lately. I don’t know why, it’s just a thing)

Second, I get off of work and am just ready to go home to my ACTUAL home. So I get out of my car and low and behold, I drop my phone. I’ve dropped my phone several times, and my phone is literally factory fucked up, but of course this time it decided to be different than usual. It shattered. The entire upper part of the screen (had it been the lower I probably would not have cared) all of the glass broke, and the LED screen was starting to mess up. My luck, especially since my father had basically told me a month before that I wouldn’t be getting a new phone anytime soon. 

My boyfriend, being the great one he is, said that it was “early Christmas”. I looked confused and he had explained that my Christmas present from him was going to be him paying for my phone monthly so that I could get a new phone, I’d just be getting it early since mine was basically unusable now. TGOD for him. Oh, PS, my dad yelled at me while I was asking him if it was okay (since he pays the bill) and told me I was an ungrateful bitch. 

Thirdly, my family obviously knew I was coming home. I had called them previously and told my mother that when I saw her last weekend and on Wednesday. So they KNEW I was coming home. I get here, and they’re gone. Everyone is. (my sister is a moocher and is here every day so that my parents feed her and her spawns.) When I call, nobody answers, they all forward their calls to voicemails, except for my sister who answers (my dad’s phone that she’s been using the past month to mooch off of the data plan) and says that “oh we just decided to leave since you should’ve been there by now.)

Fourth, it’s been an hour since my family has been gone (over it, for their time, just an hour since I’ve been here) and there not back yet. My mom decides to text me how to get there and tell me they haven’t yet gone through the line to whatever the hell they were going to. 

And to think, I thought today was going to be fabulous. And I thought coming home was going to be even better because I had just saw a deer in the field. 

Oh was I dead wrong. 

Where's My Clarity.

Is there a point in time where it’s too soon to settle down? I don’t mean like high school or anything, either. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for some reason, but I’m ALSO a firm believer in sometimes you choose your own fate. 

(Rant about my life because it wouldn’t be a blog if it wasn’t.) I wasn’t necessarily socially awkward in high school by any means at all, but I feel that the deeper I go into college, and my relationship, I get more and more socially awkward.  I fear so much of others judging me because that’s what we, as humans, do. We judge other people, and it’s usually critically. I’ve been judged for everything under the sun, some things that I would never do in my life. Rumors are the biggest bitch as well, which is somewhat of a harsh judgment in my opinion, and some people just don’t grow up from them. I was one of those people in high school that wouldn’t start a “rumor”, I just told stories that I, and others, knew were true, and some just assumed they were false. (For example—I LOVE EXAMPLES: Freshman year in high school, the time when cell phones magically became a huge thing in the world, I was casually flipping through a girls pictures because, well, that’s just what we did and it was a known thing. I came across a picture of her boobs—it was her and her face in the mirror, mind you, and was like “oh my goodness, look what i just found!” Showed another girl. She told the P.E. teacher and all hell broke loose. Apparently it wasn’t a picture of her but “some random girl” that “couldn’t be her, ever.” Lawl, okay. You get my point, though). 

I was the type of person that fell over any guy who paid me any sort of attention. It only gets worse over time, too, and I only got worse over time as well. I’ve talked about my doppelgänger and how he basically ruined my life, but this isn’t just about him. He was a major part of my life, and I often still feel myself lost without him. In my heart, I know that had he ended up being a different person than who he hung out with in high school and if I had opened my eyes, we probably would have been together at this point in life. Maybe not in a relationship, maybe just out of one, but I firmly believe that. I also firmly believe, however, that I can get insane sometimes. I had a boyfriend in high school that I should’ve ended it with day 3, but I was stupid and all I really wanted was a relationship (or so I thought.) It was abusive, not necessarily physically all the time, but it definitely took a toll on who I was as a person, especially him demanding sex daily, and sometimes even more than that. I was unhappy with myself freshman year of college and thought I had found someone who was going to like me for, ya know, me. I was wrong, and he ended up making me feel worse about myself. I was thoroughly not interested in a relationship at that point, but just the feeling of being loved. I went back to people I had been with in the past (lol.) and it was making me worse and worse. On top of all that, I had the roommates from fucking hell and I just hated my life ultimately. I met a man while I was still a freshman, talking to the other man, and we instantaneously became friends—nothing sexual. 

Somewhere along the lines (which are very blurred because I have a very bad memory here lately) we got into a sexual relationship. I was terrified it would end up like my last “friendship” and fail miserably with me feeling like asshole, so I just didn’t talk to him. Great solution, right? BUT, IT WAS. I never texted him first, he only texted me first. It only made him want me more, of course, and there was a point in time where I was actually happy. We wouldn’t have sex every time we hung out, and I loved it. I thought he’d feel the same way, and was planning on going to a party at his frat to actually see if he was any sort of serious about the situation. Well, that fell through. OF course it fell through, right? I didn’t end up going to said party—we didn’t end up talking. 

I got really depressed with my life, and was going insane over everything that was happening in my life due to my shitty ass year, so I started talking to someone who I felt I could relate to more than the man i was penetrating with, and befriended him. Said man had a girlfriend, and chose her ultimately over me, and I got really sad because it seemed like my life was going to be that cycle. I was to the point of ending my life one Friday in the beginning of November because I didn’t want the cycle to start over. I literally could not handle it. That night, my current boyfriend came into my life, and i took that as a sign. I ended things with everyone else sexually and started platonic relationships with the man I had been in a “frelationship” with. He was angry, but ultimately agreed that we would both be shitty people to start a relationship since we were different. 

That being set out and said, I love my boyfriend. I really do have love for him and he makes me genuinely happy. Here lately he makes me very mad and upset, though. The beginning of our relationship was automatically sex (which is terrible, I know) and it seemed to continue. Now, however, we rarely ever have sex and he always tries. I know Cosmo says healthy couples are ones who have sex often, but I just don’t feel it a lot. It’s not that I’m not attracted to him, because I really am. He’s an attractive man, and our personalities mesh well. I just don’t know if there’s something else I should be doing with my life. I’m currently sitting at home on a Friday night at 10 PM waiting for him to come home so that we can go to my parents house. In the back of my mind, though, I think I should be going out with my friends (even though I don’t have many at all), going to a club, celebrating my school’s championship game, etc. 

And I don’t know how to not feel that I shouldn’t be in my relationship. It’s a terrible feeling, and I need clarity. 

Thanksgiving can be the biggest bitch.

Can I state something without sounding like a total bitch? I don’t (per say) like holiday’s with my boyfriend’s family. I know that people have different interests, but mine aren’t near what theirs are, and I don’t like arguing with everyone on a holiday. Don’t get me wrong, my family is perfect by any means. My family, however, only has one weird “tradition” and it hasn’t happened the past two years (and I don’t think making a Black Friday plan counts.) 

My boyfriend’s family loves playing video games. I underlined loves because I honestly believe that it’s a bit of an understatement. It’s kind of like an obsession. I’ve played a total of maybe 4 games with them, and I’ve absolutely hated it. It’s not your typical board games like Monopoly or Apples to Apples, it’s games like Acquire and Settlers, which I’d never heard of until they mentioned it. It’s not just that the games are VERY involved, but it’s the fact that they are VERY competitive. I, of course, had to learn how to play these games and I’m not the type of person that’s really interested in playing board games. I’m not a fan of games at all, actually, unless it’s Life or Apples to Apples (I favor Cards Against Humanity but my parents wouldn’t favor the way I play) because those are just generally what I find enjoyable. His family takes it to the next level. Disclaimer: sorry if you like this damn game, but I do not. They were playing this game called Munchkin and I was (angrily attempting) to learn how to play it. My boyfriend’s nieces were playing as well, and they’re both still in the single digits of their ages, just to give you a bit of an idea. HIs siblings are both in their 30’s and you would think have their shit together by now (Spoiler Alert: They don’t.) That being said, we start playing this game and his (over 30 year old) brother starts throwing the biggest fit because of the card his child laid down, since next was his sister and it benefitted he and hurt him in the game. He started throwing a fit and I wanted to get up and leave more than anything. He bitched the entire rest of the game. This also happened when we played Acquire as well, minus his children. 

Another thing that I don’t like is his parent’s enjoy having (many) animals in their house. His sister never really moved out of their house and recently had to go to court and does community service for animal abuse for having too many animals in her house in the city limits. She had around 6, I think? The limit is 3.  With that being said, there are more animals in the house now than there were originally as well (not to mention her dog had puppies.) Their house reeks of animal dander. Don’t get me wrong, I love my animals, but I only love them because they’re outside. My boyfriend claimed in the beginning of our relationship that his mom was allergic to their dander and the only reason she could stand them was because of how often they got baths. Well, apparently he was the only one who bathed them whenever he lived there, because the house stinks to the point that it gives me a gigantic headache. It never. goes. away. It’s that forever kind of lingering smell and yesterday I was SO thankful that it didn’t smell like that and actually smelled of food. Then today I was disappointed in the smell, and also by the fact a used hairbrush was touching the food that I was about to eat. There are a total of 3 cats in their house and 8 or 9 dogs in the house. YES, I said 8 or 9 dogs. Just for count: His sister has 2. His parents have one tiny dog, two brother dogs, and another one on top of that. One is his brothers, but basically stays over there, and another is supposed to be his friends, but his parents want to keep it… That’s 8 dogs along with 3 cats that are currently in the house. That is ELEVEN ANIMALS.There are more animals than people that live in that house and maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with animals in my house, but I find it extremely disturbing. Especially when they pee and poop on the floor and everyone acts like it’s nothing. Today, I had one of them sitting on my foot the entire day. Now my foot itches constantly and it’s an annoyance that will not go away; and I know Casper didn’t put itching powder in my shoes. 

I feel so terrible saying all of this, but I need to let it out so very badly. They also have no time constraints on anything (and are also professional hoarders, but I won’t go into that because obviously people will know what I’m talking about right when I say it.) Yesterday was their “thanksgiving” and it was also my nieces’ birthday parties and my nephew’s as well. My sister pushed back the party time 4 times for me, so I had to make it there by 4, his parents’ Thanksgiving was at 1.  (It was my niece’s first birthday party, and my father is currently not in town and has not been for a month due to circumstances beyond his control—thanks to protestors and dumbness. No, my father is not a cop. He has no return date either. If these weren’t the circumstances, my rush to get there probably would not have been so large, but she was turning 1 and obviously knows who I am by now, and two of the other ones had birthdays then too. One of my nephews also returned from his dad's after a week, and I hadn't seen him in a month due to their child share schedule.)

We arrived at 1:20.

The only people in his house were his parents, his sister, and his cousin (whom lives there, so doesn’t count because all of these people practically live there.) It was 20 minutes after we were supposed to start eating. My boyfriend gets extremely frustrated from the get-go and begins to do whatever they tell him to do. I sat on the couch and played on my phone because I was 50 shades of not interested. There was also nowhere else to sit and I had to climb a path to get there, BUT that’s another story for another day when I’m pissed off. His nieces were at his parent’s house as well because his brother had dropped them off there when he dropped the turkey off to cook there (which I do not understand because he has an oven as well.) His sister states that “she wasn’t late” and my boyfriend laughed and said “you never left.” She then rebutted with “Yeah HUH, I went to the store with mom!” *insert none face there for obvious reasons*. His cousin then shows up at 1:45, and his dad starts making the stuffing (about time, right?) They start making other things while I’m chilling on my ass, and then get information that his brother is now going to the store…He was supposed to go to the store 2 hours earlier to get more supplies for making food. My boyfriend, at this point, was livid because we showed up later too and were still the first ones there with nothing done but what cooking my boyfriend had done the night before. (That’s right, it took him a whole HOUR to bake 4 pies.)

They proceed to do things until his brother calls once more and says he’s sorry that he just got to the store because he went and got an oil change. I’m sorry, but what?! He got an oil change?! His dad goes “well they’re not open on Sunday’s.” Well guess fucking what. They’re fucking open on Monday’s and if you know you have to be somewhere, then fucking BE THERE. Don’t be 4 hours late because you went to get an oil change.  His cousins husband also then proceeded to complain that he did not want anyone to leave because he did not get to spend Thanksgiving with his family since he had to work, and wanted to with this family...

I feel like at this point I need to make a side note. My boyfriend’s parents live further away from the school I attend which is 45 minutes from my parents’ house. my boyfriend’s parents probably live a good hour and fifteen from my parents’ house. Rough estimate. 

THAT BEING SAID, I’ll continue my bitch-rant (since I’m a professional bitch-ranter, obvi.) It’s around 2:45 now and my boyfriend had made gravy, they’re starting to get food on the table, but are waiting for his brother. His brother calls and says he’s on his way there, that he went to get an oil change since it was on his way there and had went to the store and everything. Might I mention that we live about..hmm… a mile away from the car dealership where he gets his oil changed? Might I mention that he lives a mile and a half from us? SO: He lives a half of a mile away from the car dealership and it was “on his way to the store.” Well no shit sherlock, it’s on your way every time you DRIVE any time. 

He gets there around 3 and we proceed to eat. Keep in mind, we still need to be at the party by 4 and it takes an hour to get to our destination. We start eating, etc etc; that shit and eventually got to the party a little after 5. Yep…a whole hour later. ALL BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND’S FAMILY IS FULL OF FUN. 

Yep. Fun.

And I love my boyfriend, he’s the complete opposite with some of the same tendencies that they have (but nothing near theirs) and I love him to death. I plan to spend the rest of my life with this man, but I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life with his family, too. 

Have you ever had one of those days where it’s just not your day? Yeah, I know that can seem a bit dramatic or that can be every day of your life, but today literally IS NOT my day.

This morning I had a doctors appointment to go and get my TB test finished for my new job (that my mother absolutely does not want me to have, it seems.) I had to be there bright and early because I have class at 9, and I haven’t been in class in a week because it’s only a weekly class and last week was our out-of-class midterm. Anyway. So I was on my way home, to my home at school I should say, and these lovely people just decided to make my day so much better by whoopsidentally stopping really fast, causing the other people to immediately stop behind them as well. I, being the dumbass that I am, was going 30 and had just realized they had stopped but it was too late. So obviously I hit the person and there was just nothing that I could do about it then. The girl was super nice and chill about the entire situation, saying she knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop and there was basically nothing that could have been done (yet I don’t know what she told the cops, so…) 

Basically I have to get a new car. My parents have liability on my car, which means that the insurance people won’t fix my car, I have to do it myself. I thought liability meant that I had to pay out of pocket what happened to the other person as well, but the insurance lady said that they take care of that (tgod, because I don’t know what else I’d do. I’m poor as shit.)

My dad had to come from his work to come and get me because I was basically adamant that even though my car was drivable, the drivers side door would not open, and the hood could not close. He basically told me “there’s a bus you could take, right?’

So now apparently I have to take the bus to school (and I don’t have cash.) The only problem on that note is: I work out of the town that I live in, and I’m not real sure how I’m supposed to go to work. Basically, I’m fucked and stuck at home because I don’t have a car to drive and I more than likely won’t have a car to drive for a really long time. I have a headache and literally all I want to do right now is sleep.

What doesn’t make it any better? Everything in my classes is due this week. Yes, EVERYTHING. I have a super hard test on Tuesday that I’ve already accepted I’m going to fail because I’m not prepared, I have an entire scrapbook on health care due Thursday, along with a grant proposal and another assessment paper.

Yes. My life fucking sucks.