YEAH YOU, I'M JEALOUS OF YOU.

Saying I was a creep in middle school/freshman year of high school is an incredible understatement. I was a TOTAL creep and weirdo and I really wish I could go back and slap the shit out of young-me because….well, it was terrible.

ANYWAY.

I couldn’t help but feel a little tinge of pain in my heart hearing my middle school/freshman year crush got engaged, and it’s totally not for creepy reasons. (AND NO. I wasn’t creeping—my mom works with his mom and his sister—and she told me, so IT’S FAIR.)

I couldn’t help but feel a little tinge of pain because, well, they’ve been together since high school. He’s my age and she’s younger, and while I just recently graduated high school, I have SOME innate want/need to have a dazzling ring on my finger. While my boyfriends parents are wealthy, they live like they’re incredibly poor. Basically: I’m ashamed to claim them at times. Their house looks like something I would frown upon driving by, and seeing their reaction to me recently just getting a cat— I’m terrified to have children. However, I love my boyfriend, and just have some innate need to be engaged. I don’t even know why I want to be engaged.

My ~crush dude and I went to the same university. Basically, I think he forgot who I was—THANK GOD, BY THE WAY— and would often hold doors open for me, like a gentleman, while I was going into the engineering building because he was an engineering major and I was not LOL, but all of my classes were there. Out of the kindness of his heart, he held the door open for the girl that creeped on him in middle school, unbeknownst to him, I’m pretty sure. If not—then fucking claps for him, because I wouldn’t hold the door open for me either! 

I just don’t know if I’m ready for the huge commitment that comes with being engaged, but at the same time, I think I am. I got accepted—almost—for a big girl job starting out with a decent amount. My life sounds great, right? No. My boyfriend decided not to go to college, until we got together, and has recently decided he doesn’t want to go back because “he doesn’t know what he wants to do, and it’s not worth it.” This makes me incredulously sad, because it’s incredibly hard to get a good paying job these days without any sort of degree. So now, I’m making $10,000 more than he is, (because he got a big kid job, too, yay!!) but he wants to live in a nice house, doesn’t want to invest his hefty tax return into anything but “bills” and it makes me really sad to see that. BECAUSE I WANT TO BE FINANCIALLY STABLE AND I WANT TO BE ENGAGED. 

IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!?!?!?

Basically, I’m jealous because this fucker is financially stable and in college (unless, of course, he took out a hefty loan for her gorgeous ring—which is possible!) and my boyfriend doesn’t get the gist that I’m sending him engagement ring pictures every other day. And yeah, we’ve been together long enough to be engaged by anyone’s standard, so don’t go calling me a hypocrite. 

/RANT OVER.