I am literally at the point in my life where I’m between a shit hole and a shit hole, and let me tell you, it really fucking sucks. BEWARE: THIS IS A HUGE FUCKING RANT.

People don’t seem to understand that having a job in college is one of the most difficult things that a person does, unless it’s a part-time restaurant job or whatever because I did that and I enjoyed it. However, I currently work for a job that requires me to work a certain number of hours per week. My job is 45 minutes away from where I live at school, so I have to drive 45 minutes to get there. I can only get there at a certain time, and I can’t stay after a certain period either. I do general work, but it’s the same thing over and over again. Since their requirements are ABSOLUTE even though I’m in school and CLEARLY struggling to get various doctors appointments in as well as the time I’m “required” to do (it’s not required, it’s a suggestion. I also am the top producer at work, but it doesn’t seem to matter.) So basically, I feel worthless at work. My supervisor informed me that my boss wasn’t happy about it, and I soon after found out i had pneumonia. She then told him he needs to pull his head out of his ass because I’m not taking off for shits and giggles (I also have a failed root canal that I’ve taken off for, whoooo.)

Yes, I’ve looked for another job. I’ve even had interviews, but I don’t want to work retail because I love Black Friday too much.

After that, my family is a complete hot mess. I don’t go to school that far from home, so I’ll go home occasionally because I have 6 nieces and nephews, and some of them are babies and when i was a freshman I didn’t come home for awhile and my baby nephew didn’t know who I was; and I was devastated. My family, however, is one of the biggest shitshows. My sisters have had their fair share of shitty experiences, but they also but themselves in it, too. One of my sisters finds it unnecessary to take responsibility of half of her children (2/4), so my parents accept them since one of them goes to their dad’s on the weekend and the other one’s dad isn’t in his life (so “he doesn’t have anyone but them”, according to my mother. Note: his father is a convict and currently in prison. He’s been in and out the last 10 years. His family are similar.) 

Sister #1, that’s working on baby daddy #3, refuses to leave baby daddy #3 even though he’s kind of a piece of shit. He’s an alcoholic, which seems to be popular amongst people in my life, and will drive with the other half of children that’re his if he and my sister get in a fight. he Literally calls nephew #2 a piece of shit and that he “hates” them, and my sister still doesn’t see the problem. Therefore, my eldest nephews seem to always come to my parents house and my sister will leave them here because that is “what needs to happen” so that “they can spend time with their kids alone”. He sounds like a fucking winner right?!?!?!

On top of that: my mother feels sorry for my nephew because “every other kid has other grandparents and people for them in their life!” (My family is very supportive, and my grandparents (which would be their greats) often watch them as well). I often point out that there’re SEVERAL kids who don’t even have grandparents out there, but “oh” it’s the “same” as my nephew having a personality disorder because his dad is a fuckup (he introduces different ladies into his life every couple of months that he drops everything— even his only son— for)

My living situation is also another story. My roommates are pretty average. They’re not shitty, but at the same time they’re not the most fantastic human beings ever, and I really don’t want to mention anything they do that bothers me because my last roommates were complete cunts and would degrade me at any chance they got (there’re several witnesses, I’m not just being dramatic.) One of my roommates claims herself as a “clean freak” but only seems to clean up my stuff. (EX: I had food on top of a cabinet that we keep our extras that won’t fit in the pantry in, because they didn’t fit in the pantry. She shoves them in the pantry. But people can keep their dishes in the sink for 5 days. Yeah! Also, one of them finds it necessary to leave food that the gnats start to get in our fridge and eat off of. Oh, one also puts everything in the dishwasher, and when i mean everything, I mean E V E R Y T H I N G. From wooden spoons (which soak up a lot of bacteria when put in the dishwasher and AREN’T supposed to go in there) to pots and pizza pants that belong to someone else. They also don’t understand the concept of DON’T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT; So our utility bill is $90 a person. Casual.

With all this being lightly stated (yeah, it gets so much more into bullshit detail), I’m completely stressed out at everything that’s happening with my life. I get really depressed and it drives me to just complete and utter sadness. Complete. I’ve never felt this low and depressed in my life that all I want to do is go home and sleep (granted, I have pneumonia, and it’s required to get a lot of sleep) I feel that I physically can’t do what I”m supposed to do, and anything that I do, it’s never good enough.

SO IF SOMEONE HAS ANY DAMN SUGGESTIONS…. I’D BE GREATLY OPEN TO THEM, BECAUSE I’M GOING TO DRIVE MYSELF TO THE POINT WHERE I’M THE NEXT 1,000 POUND WOMAN FROM STRESS FAT.