FINALLY OUT OF HELL.

I don’t think anyone knows how overjoyed I am to say that I FINALLY moved. I signed sublet papers this morning, everything is official, and I’m FINALLY out of hell. My roommates, ever since we discussed moving out, have been complete and utter bitches. The snow hindered our Saturday move-out processes, so we had to stop flat in the middle of them. Instead of being courteous and having her friends park on the street, my roommate decided it’d be a good idea to have her friends park right behind me in the driveway. She knew what she was doing bc she walked straight through the door. When I had to leave the girl goes “Oh that’s me!” giggles, and then leaves completely. Obviously this pissed me off.  

I didn’t finish moving everything (because my boyfriend is the main mover of things, I don’t have manpower and have class—he does too, but chooses not to go? idek.) and whenever that happened, I got bitched at for “not getting my things.” Lol hokayyyy, because how am I supposed to get my things whenever I did come to get them, someone on the street was having  party (aka, no street parking) and one of my roommates boyfriend’s was parked in the driveway and the others friends, along with two of my roommates.  It pissed me off because it was 11 PM, and this is what is going on in my life when I have to go and sign sublet papers at 9 AM. Basically, I stated that there was no other way but to just wait until I had already given my keys over. 

BUT THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT. Not everything is moved out, and my boyfriends subletter isn’t finalized (so that adds a little bit of stress to the pot) BUT I AM STILL SO EXCITED TO BE IN MY OWN PLACE. We last minute found a place since there were several people that seemed to be wanting us to move in, and then didn’t (one including my relative, so it was fuckin great.) Finally, on that Friday whenever my relative told me she didn’t have a place for us anymore because her friend “e-mailed her in the last 3 minutes, etc.” We drove out to try and find places. We found a house, called the number, and it ended up being 5 bedrooms (aka not necessary) and they informed us they had a two bedroom available ASAP.

I had to clean a bit and I’m STILL not done (it’s only been since Saturday, don’t judge.) but I can FINALLY say that I am out of hell, and my hair has fallen out significantly less since we’ve signed lease papers.

Where did that girl go?!

Nearly everything changes. Nearly EVERYTHING will change at some point in your life, if not everything, and the way that you feel about it is going to be however you take it and what you take from it. 

I moved houses when I was seven, so I don’t remember it all too much. I remember liking the other house better, but I ended switching schools three years later and remember hating that. I remember losing someone who was very close to me, and I remember when I was a terrible speller. All of those things, however, now have changed. 

Your family composition might change throughout your elementary, middle and high school career, but college it might change drastically by who you consider your family. What’ll change the most, in my opinion, is your friends and the way that you think about things.  College will change you for better or for worse. It sounds like a marriage proposal, but to me, it practically is. You have to cater to it constantly or it’ll fail, you have to pay loads of money into it, you must remain constant relationship levels, and you’ll lose a lot of friends. Marriage, to me, sounds SO MUCH LIKE THAT. 

I lost a lot of friends my freshman year of college. I should say that it’s mostly my sophomore year because I feel like freshman year is the honeymoon stage. Unless you’re rushing a sorority/fraternity, or just cut off contact with the world; you’re more than likely one of those people who’re going to keep contact with the people you were just “best friends” with in high school. I had a couple of best friends, ones that I was very close to in high school. We’ve lost almost all contact and the last time I saw one of them, i didn’t know how to speak anymore— it was as if we were strangers all over again.

If you think about it, we’re all strangers at some point. Even your parents are strangers and you have to get to know them and they have to get to know things about you. It’s a fantastic learning opportunity to learn about new people, but it can hurt you, too. Personality types clash. They clash a lot. I’ve become a person that I’m terribly bad at confrontation. I used to be able to walk up to anyone and talk to them. WHERE DID THAT GIRL GO?! I, for one, would really like to know, because I’d happily trade the me-now for the me-in high school. The me in high school wouldn’t take any bullshit. A lot of people didn’t like me (which hurt me) but the me freshman year of high school was able to approach any situation and handle it like an adult. Now I just cry, even when I’m pissed off, I cry. That’s one thing that I wish I could change now, especially since I’m becoming more of a “grown up” (whatever that is?)

What’ll change the most other than your friendships, honestly depends on who you live with. If your personality clash is enough to make you feel uncomfortable: get out of it. Regardless of how comfortable you feel, do it. Today, what changed the most in my life for the week, is how adults in my life seem to be a lot less mature than I am. It’s very, very sad, but at the same time you have no control over other people. Don’t think that you do, because you don’t. You absolutely don’t.

I started this blog in two parts, the prior from when I thought everything was going right in my life. After writing that everything changes, everything did change. I no longer have somewhere to live in my house and made the living situation not so hot for the other people I live(d) with. I got told I was taking advantage of them; so I took the TV and the internet router, and then got ripped a new asshole for it. What I don’t understand is how someone can be blamed for taking advantage of other people whenever I did everything myself, I bought everything myself. I asked one of them for help once, and I graciously paid her back for it as well. I did nothing, and I am still getting the shit end of the deal. 

Basically, your morals in life will be extremely questioned. I always thought I was going to be a virgin until I was married thanks to good ‘ole Jonas boys, but ironically, Nicholas and I were deflowered right around the same time. Everything changed for us, except for the fact that he’s dating Miss Universe and has a billion dollars; while I’m sitting in my parents basement by myself, making less than $300 a paycheck and bumming for everything. 

i’m not saying “screw your morals,” but keep your morals strong or don’t keep them at all. Strong morals and the Lord are things that are going to get you through life. I should’ve realized this a long time ago, but I didn’t. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up bright and early and go to church, and hopefully start my day on a positive note. My morals were strongly questioned in high school and college, and I went against a majority of them. i shouldn’t have, but I can’t change the past. I can only better the person that I am now, and hope that the Lord can see the good in me and send good things my way instead of making this past week the worst week of my life. 

Make sure that you live alone if you're a B1

If I could move right now, I probably would. The entire point of me constructing this sentence that’s going to end in several paragraphs? I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCKING MOVE. 

First things first, i know I’ve complained about my roommates to the utmost that I absolutely could, but I’m going to continue to do it. I cannot stand living with people who are complete idiots and complete assholes. The people I lived with last year were bitches for absolutely nothing, and let me tell you, my roommates this year haven’t changed a bit. They actually might have gotten worse, to say the best about them. 

I’m currently on a snow day from my classes, all of our street is covered and there’s no getting out of our driveway basically. Our lovely neighbors parked in front of my car, so there’s absolutely no getting out of the driveway unless I go and find out who is parked in front of me, and that’s a compilation of around 100 people. I’m frankly not that into going around and knocking on that many people’s doors. Therefore, apparently I’m stuck in my driveway until these assholes decide that they’re going to move. Fun, right?

I was crafting last night, because I’m smart enough to actually go and find something to do if I know that there’s going to be a potential snow day. Apparently my roommates are not, however. My roommate this morning came downstairs and started cleaning our entire living area/kitchen. They’re kind of combined, but are separated by a wall, just to give you an idea. There’s a table that’s right by the wall that’s supposed to be used to eat on, but is unfortunately mostly used to put shit on and then her clean it off whenever she gets pissed off enough.  I’ll just name my roommates now on by B1, B2, & B3. 

My shitty week started when B2 brought over some girl that I don’t like. It has been known in our house that this girl and I don’t get along, but she does it anyway. I’m doing my homework sitting in my room as B2 is complaining to this girl that she got fired from her job and she thinks it’s bullshit because she even went in on her off days and did work. She’s been home more than I have, and I only work 15 hours a week, just to give you a rough estimate of how much she actually works. She then complained about how they wouldn’t keep letting her get her hair done for free and all that jazz. Because apparently now it’s okay to basically take stuff from your job? 

B1 & B2 have made plans to move in together after our lease is up. I’ve made plans to move within the next two weeks. They’re moving in to some lavish apartment that is on the outskirts of one of the golf courses in this town and is around $670 a person. AkA: outrageous. They’ve been buddy-buddy since they’ve made these plans. B2 has been consulting her mother on this instead of herself, since she’s apparently that irresponsible. 

B1 claims that cleaning is her “hobby.” I don’t know any person that cleans for a personal hobby, and I personally don’t want to. She doesn’t have class on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s (at all) and “cleans” all day and watches Law & Order basically. I’m 99% positive she’s seen every single episode and could quote them word for word. It’s that bad. Normally she cleans when nobody is here during the day, and I’m perfectly fine with that because of the fact that nobody is here. However, I AM HERE. B3 went to her friends house (who lives on the same street) to do who knows what after asking if she could eat some of the food that I had made and borrow some ingredients of food to “make snow ice cream.” Keep in mind, she is a grown child that is on scholarship, so has enough money to spend for her own food, basically, and is asking me for food that she used up of mine previously and didn’t replace? Lol okay. 

Anyway,  B1 is sitting here cleaning up a “mess” that my boyfriend and I had apparently made, according to her. We were cooking so she washed the dishes that were in the sink, even though all but two of them weren’t mine, she did it very loudly and very rudely. She puts everything in places where she wants it, even if other people have put it there for a reason and she doesn’t realize it. At the end of the day, everything is based off of what she wants and not with the respect of the other people that she lives with. If you’re this type of person, please make sure that you live alone. She has sat down here the entire time I have been watching Netflix watching me, making sure that I don’t do something ‘wrong.’ I feel like I’m being babysat by someone who is only 2 years older than me, and it’s ridiculous. I don’t like it one bit, and it needs to stop. 

I already have someone who is willing to sublease and would sign the papers in an instant if I had a place to go. 

I JUST WANT THIS ALL TO GO AWAY SO FAST BEFORE I LITERALLY RIP SOMEONE’S HAIR OUT. 

College vs. high school snow days

In high school, I wanted nothing more than school to be cancelled, even if there was the smallest amount of snow on the ground. In college, I’m hopeful that if I can’t get out of my driveway, my professors will understand that I can’t risk my life to be there. Since WHEN did this become a thing?

I understand that high school students are, well, babies. They need to be protected since many of them ride buses to/from school and it’s extremely dangerous. I did both in high school and almost got into an accident one day because our superintendent still decided it’d be a good idea we have school. I understand the ramifications, but at the same time: why can’t university classes be cancelled as well? Even though I pay to go to school there, I’m required to be in class (per my professor.) Why isn’t my safety an option too? (or just anyone that in general doesn’t live on/walking distance from campus.)

This may sound mediocre to the operations people that control this, and my university has been doing better with canceling, but I still believe that it’s a problem. I attended public high school and attend a public university. I also ride the bus system that my school has in place since there’s not enough parking on campus, which I feel can relate a bit more to high school. If it isn’t safe for the bus to run, it’s not safe for me to drive my car there. The town I also live in, and my university is in, is terrible at plowing roads. I live in a subdivision full of several different roads, and I understand why the city doesn’t plow the roads (people park on the side of the road too often,) but I feel like this should be part of my university’s decision in deciding whether or not school is on or not. 

For example: my freshman year of college, I had a bunch of 11 AM’s and all that fun stuff. I usually wouldn’t wake up until 10 AM to get t my class since I lived on campus. It was a snowmaggedon that day and I woke up to snow covered EVERYTHING. Come to find out, my university hadn’t cancelled classes that day, but decided that it’d be a good idea to cancel them at 9 AM after most people were already on campus. I decided to go to my friends house (spoiler alert: this was not a good idea) and ended up stuck in the middle of a main road. Frat boys pushed me out and I eventually got to my destination, but I literally couldn’t get anywhere after that. I waited two days before I could get home. BAD decision on my university’s part. bad. 

Today, I came to school when it was barely snowing. You could see the light snow mixed in with the rain that was currently going on, but when I reached my house, it was snowing. Hard core, flaky, huge snow that was terribly cold and terribly wet. This isn’t a good idea since the temperature is supposed to drop to 13 degrees. My boyfriends roommate came home and parked his car in the driveway, and his car began sliding down the driveway after he was already out of it with the emergency brake on. (He takes really good care of his car, too—it’s his “baby” so it’s not like he didn’t have 100% tires on that car.)

here’s your sign, school.

Our chancellor tweeted out a tweet saying that the Operations people wouldn’t decide until 4 AM. They’re assessing the road conditions at 4 am. You read that right.

My boyfriend sarcastically made the remark that he’d have to get up at 4 AM if school is cancelled anyway just to make it there on time. The sad part? That’s probably true .

Tinder & Frat boys & MRS degrees

My first mentality when starting college was one that, probably, everybody has. Frat boys & parties.

I was obsessed with the thought of dating a frat boy. Even though I’d known them for their reputation of being assholes, I thought I was going to find that super sweet one that would love me, or that I could change one from asshole to Prince Charming. 

I never stayed around for parties because I hated being alone and my roommate wasn’t really into being friends. I had made some friends, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t want to bother those type of people in hopes that we’ll become friends (in what way, I don’t know.) This probably butthurt my chances of finding a frat boy love, but the HOLY GRAIL invention of Tinder was invented (this is one of the good things my roommate taught me.)

I tindered my little heart out because I was going to get my MRS degree. I was going to get it by the end of my college years, and I was going to be DAMN proud of this. I had potential matches, but had no idea what I was doing at first. I tried and tried my little heart out until someone finally agreed to meet me. I was terrified of this, especially since I had just ended things with my boyfriend (but he has a piece of shit, don’t feel sorry for me, it was all my fault.)

The first man I met from Tinder WASN’T a frat boy. He was some rando guy that actually lied about who he was. Not in that weird way that he wasn’t who he looked like, but he claimed he was a student and I don’t think he was. He was older and it was a terrible experience because his penis was literally an inch. I laughed and went home to take my nephew home the next day with not-sex hair (because it sucked) and a greasy face. The doctor could totes tell my night was grrrreeeaaattt. 

I was about to give up on my frat boy Tinder game until I got invited to a house party that was at his frat. At this point in time, I wasn’t too educated in frats at my school. I knew the ~popular ones, but I didn’t really know all of them. It was at a frat that I hadn’t recognized, but I definitely didn’t want to go alone so I consulted my friend on this one. She laughed and called it the “rape frat” but said she might go. Needless to say: I didn’t go to the party, but i did make plans to meet with the man that invited me to this party!

The day we met was an lol-fest that I can barely remember. He tried to teach me how to drive stick shift and was a gentleman. He was shorter than me, however,and i thought this was weird as fuck. I declined to learn how to drive stick completely, so he guided me along. We eventually ended up on our university’s soccer field at midnight, talking. We talked about various things, and how i’d *sworn* that I wouldn’t have sex with anyone on the first date. 

Needless to say: we ended up having sex. It was an all-around terrible time, but he seemed to really enjoy it. I mean, of course he did, what guy doesn’t like sex?! We talked after this a lot, but we weren’t exclusive—at least to me we weren’t necessarily exclusive (every time I’d argue with him, I’d go off and stay at my friends house—one night shit went down,basically.)

Our “relationship” continued for awhile until he got tired of my bitchy attitude. He would often tell me that he didn’t care about me and cared more about this other girl. He even took this other girl to his fraternity’s semi-formal because “they had already made plans with his friend.” 

Over the summer everything dwindled because he lives in a major city that’s 3 hours away from where my parents live. We didn’t see each other until June when one of my cousins who lives where he does got married. We had sex in my hotel room because that was my life. A month after that he took me to his lake house and we spent the weekend there. He proceeded to tell me that he didn’t care about me, I was just there, etc. He came to my house when I moved in in August, and that was the consummation of the end of our relationship. He now dates my neighbor and often parks in my driveway just to shove it in my face. It’s comical. Really. 

The last frat man ironically had the same as the first, however, I don’t remember how I met the last man, but I can tell it wasn’t Tinder. They were in different fraternities because I don’t fuck brothers (ha) and he was nice. He wasn’t my type, though. With the first frat man, I was absolutely consumed with him thinking that he cared, so with this man I backed off and tried to let myself not care. I wouldn’t text or call this man at any time, he would be the first to start our conversations and meetings.

I thought this was the best way to start a relationship that I didn’t intend to necessarily be a relationship. It was a friendship until one fun night at 3 AM on the roof we decided to get into each others pants because “it seemed right.” Even though it probably wasn’t right and neither of us were probably in our right state of minds, we continued our interactions in this way. We also hang out with each other in platonic ways, too, which is what confused me. Near the end (that nobody really knew was the end) I started getting a little bit attached to him and him in general. I met my, now-boyfriend, shortly after and knew it’d be a better decision.

He was really upset when I told him I had decided to get into a relationship because we never talked about that and I had never brought it up. I understand that it was shitty now, but it was definitely for the better rather than the worse. I’m much better off. Of course, my work with the fates has me now seeing him on campus pretty often. We acknowledge each other, but it’s not like we have an “I-got-in-your-pants” reunion every time we see each other. Correction: I don’t.I

I met several other frat boys from Tinder or just in general along the way that were my good friends. I did a favor for someone two weeks after initiation week where a pledge was getting kicked out, but they didn’t want to break it to him. What I thought was a favor turned into some freshman telling me that I need to suck his dick bc that’s what this was all about. lol right? They broke the news to him after he jacked off in front of me and decided it was a good idea for him to cum in my hair. He cried, and I threatened to kill him with a pen, it all ended okay because I got ice cream out of it. 

I’ve also met some gentlemen that were frat boys. They were nice, but ended up generally being people that I didn’t have much in common, so it naturally went downhill. I’m not currently (good) friends or acquaintances with any of these men, but I guess it’s all about good memories. The point of all this was to prove that Tinder isn’t where you get your MRS degree. Neither are frat parties. 

My roommates are cunts

If you had told me this time last year that my roommates would end up the same as the ones that I had at that current time, I’d probably believe you. I say this because I fully believe that some people are just terrible people and like to belittle everyone. I would like to think that this isn’t everyone, but nothing so far gives me hope.

My roommates last year seemed pretty cool in the beginning. One seemed like she could beat my ass at any second and one you could tell was on the bitchier side, but she liked to talk a lot.  I thought this was good as we did things with each other, etc. I didn’t particularly know them when I moved in, but one was from the town I was from, so I thought no big deal. Her boyfriend, ended up being fiance, was my uncle and sister fiance’s co-worker. My uncle is actually their boss. I thought oh cool, there’s more of a connection.

But I was dead wrong, apparently! (I seem to be good at this!)

I got my boyfriend literally the same day that I got a new job. I had been (sort of) jobless for a couple of months and was excited to finally have a job again. I hung out with my boyfriend a lot and thought it was no big deal that he stayed at my house as the fiance stayed at our house frequently and the girl that I shared a bathroom with was rarely there. Apparently, since I was younger, this wasn’t okay. (I’ve mentioned my boyfriend is my neighbor. Literal two doors down neighbor.) The girl I ‘shared’ a bathroom with would come back and complain about everything. Her car had broken down (she rarely lived at our house bc she would drive 5 hours round trip to school/her boyfriends) and she was complaining about this and how she needed a new car to her mother while I was sick with the stomach flu in the bathroom. She didn’t care; but when it came time to her being sick and I almost fell out of the shower so (of course) I screamed, IT FUCKING MATTERED LIKE IT WAS THE END OF THE WORLD. Since I had just gotten a new job, I also was not home very often. I typically worked until 10 or 11 after going to school all day, so if there were dishes in the sink for a day, I thought it was no big deal. It was a big deal to them and it started controversy. They basically complained about everything, even how I walked up the stairs (lol right?!) and I went home crying that night to my mother.

While I didn’t act like it was a big deal to me, it was. I started staying at my boyfriends and rarely coming to my own house that I paid rent for. I paid everything through the mail so I would have little to no contact with them. My boyfriend’s roommates seemed more accepting since his roommates fiance had just gone through the same thing and stayed there, too, but one of his roommates was very discomforting and would make us feel unwelcome. This led us to discomfort anywhere we tried to go. We ate out a lot and spent a lot of time at movies/shopping. I gained a max of 30 pounds from this, and I was ultimately upset. I didn’t stay up here for the summer, and my boyfriend stayed at his house.

Disclaimer: The one problem I had with my roommates before the “conflict” was the fact that the one girl wouldn’t let anyone use her bathroom, but mostly that nobody could have keys. I really didn’t care if my boyfriend had a key or not, but since her fiance was there a lot and he didn’t have a key, they would leave doors unlocked all the time if he were there and she weren’t and “he needed to go somewhere.” It was terrifying waking up to all the doors in my house unlocked and a man pissed at me when I locked the door. I also didn’t like how they made breakfast very loudly at 5 AM every morning bc my bedroom was above the kitchen. 

Moving forward to the present. I moved in with people that I didn’t really know. Mostly because one girl subleased out to someone else since “she got a puppy and an engagement ring” and it was a shitshow. I moved in just having learned that I had to work 20 hours a week at my job an hour away, and I only had 2 free days to do this since I had a night class and had to volunteer for at least 30 hours during the semester. I didn’t get to talk to my roommates about how we all expected things to go because I didn’t have time. Who wants to spend all of their free time (which I mostly slept during) hearing people complain? Not I, so I moved on with life passing it off like it was no big deal. 

Yesterday, I came home around 5:45 and nobody was here. It was odd because there’s usually at least 1 person here by that time, but I sat in my room angrily over something unrelated. I sat in my room until 8 until I decided I was going to go do something. This is when my boyfriend decided to come back from “hanging out with his friends” and my roommates decided to come home together. (What fucked me over with my last roommates was they would meet with each other to talk shit on me and then target me for it—which i think is a fucked up and bitchy thing to do.) They were all laughing—unusably loudly—putting away what sounded like groceries, throwing around everything etc. I then get a text message  (yes. not a verbal message) that “we should have a roommate meeting.” I wasn’t in the best of moods and was cleaning my closet so I ignored it. My door wasn’t shut, so they texted me again and then proceeded to talk “unusably loudly” about how I should be down there. (Lol. Immaturity already started, right?) 

I walk down the stairs and get water as they start this “meeting.” It’s started by laughing about how one of my roommates needs to be reminded to wash her dishes because she “forgets about them” and we need to remind her. (side note: this girl has left dishes in the sink for a month—no exaggeration—and found no big deal about it.) They giggled and laughed about it so i obviously knew what this meeting was about: Me. 

After this, it started with “guests can’t stay at our house by themselves” (with the exception of one of the girls’ boyfriends…who owns his own house and shit ya know) and that “nobody can stay more than 3 nights a week because that’s illegal.” Now I’m not saying that we should learn by example, but we do. The leasing agency we lease from isn’t big on rules, so typically nobody follows them. 3 nights a week is a dorm standard; which I think is HILARIOUS because the person who said this never lived in a dorm. (NOTE: Two of my roommates’ significant others live with their parents in their hometowns. One is in high school and doesn’t come to stay here—the other has been here once.) It kept going and going with stupid things of how my boyfriend should do laundry at his house and I shouldn't do his laundry in our washer/dryer. (I’m not going to not do laundry if it fits with mine. It’s not like I wash his laundry constantly because he does do laundry at his own house, but he would do laundry ESPECIALLY when I didn’t have any time of my own to do laundry.) They used this as “I’ve seen guys underwear in there before.” Okay, and? So have I, that wasn’t my boyfriend’s. 

It continued and I couldn’t stop thinking about how this was literally a repeat of last year. I just wanted to get up and walk out because they were contradicting themselves being they do the same things. The stupidest parts?! 

1. “I’m upset you disrespected my hobby by walking through the kitchen when I said it was wet. That was rude.” APPARENTLY her “hobby” is cleaning. She was doing this “hobby” from 6-8, so I could not make dinner, and when I had the opportunity—I took it. I was starving and didn’t give TWO SHITS because it’s disrespectful to spend that much time “hobbying” and then complain that you’re the only one that cleans the house. I’m a firm believer in everyone needs to clean up after themselves, she’s not. So be it. 

2. “I think everyone needs to share 1/4 of everything. All the cleaning supplies, kitchen supplies, and the cleaning. Her and I just bought paper towels.” Let it be known that the girl who said this had not bought a thing that everyone uses. Ever. She also took dishwasher pods (which aren’t cheap, my friends) to her boyfriends house because “he didn’t have any.” They were my dishwasher pods. Yas. They also use all of a substance (which I know it was her because she makes things that use these substances often) that was mine and never replaced it. They had never invited me to go shopping with them that night, but I was expected to “share 1/4 of everything.” LOL ATMYLIFEYOUGUYS.

3. “I’m really uncomfortable with there being a gun here. Unless you have a license for it.” Wait, you have to have a license to have a gun? I’m pretty sure that anyone who is over the age of 21 and isn’t a felon or mentally ill can buy a gun. You don’t have to have a license to have a gun: you have to have a license to carry a gun. This is the same girl as #2, if you couldn’t tell because she’s SO smaht. Her boyfriend goes hunting often and she brags about how she gets deer jerky. But doesn’t like guns. 

Lol.

Lol.

Lol.

PLEASE SOMEONE SUBLEASE FOR ME GODDAMMIT. 

Because the meeting ended with “so you’ve been quiet. Don’t YOU have anything to say?” 

No. Wait. I don’t. Because I didn’t meet with my other roommates to talk shit about myself. Whoops. Sorry I’m considerate and would much rather not attack a person. OOPS.

Why I'm NOT Ready to Be Married or Have Kids

So when I say this, I mean this with the utmost respect. 

I am not ready to have children or be married. 

Before I start explaining myself, let me actually explain myself. My sisters both had children before they were 20, and my mother had both of them before she was 21, so teenage/early pregnancy was a thing in my family. I was the proudest I’ve ever been when I beat teen pregnancy, and I say this with the utmost respect for those who had babies young. Sure, I’ve dissed them every once in awhile, but that’s because some people’s stupidity fathoms me. Some people wanted children when we were in high school, and I thought that they were crazy because who could want a child when you’re in high school and plan to have a child?

I just want to get my shit together. 

My sisters are significantly (6 & 7 years) older than I, so I was influenced young at this. It was etched into my brain in middle and high school that I will not have kids when I’m a teenager and I will go to school, graduate, and become “successful.” My siblings have both tried school, but only my middle sister has succeeded. We’re both on track to graduate at the same exact time, with nearly the same major. I can’t help but think in the back of my mind that if our graduations are on the same day, they’d choose hers over mine, but that’s just the way that my parents are.  Since this has been etched in my brain since such a young age, my parents have done all they can to prevent this, and so have I. Not just because it’s what my parents want, but because having a child at a young age is difficult, and I want to be something in my life before I decide to add more people to it in a family sense—legally and out of my vagina-ly. 

The same goes with marriage. My parents were married when my mom was 17. I am way passed that, but I can tell you that when I was 15-18, my parents were terrified of every man that I brought around, because I was going to be just like them. There are two types of parents in this world: those who want their children to follow in their path, and those who want their children to follow the opposite path.  My parents want me to follow the opposite, IF you didn’t catch that drift by now. 

Moving forward to now. 

I had a freak accident the other day with my boyfriend that ended up with me in the emergency room. I won’t go into any sort of detail, except for saying that my life was basically an episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER that night. It led to panic attacks, etc, and led to something that had to include conversations with both of our parents. My parents (rather just my mother) for insurance reasons, and his because of money reasons (since I wasn’t aware of my insurances’ policy and how paying went etc.)

His parents were first, since they live where I go to school. They were overjoyed at the thought of we went to emergency room for something involving me. His mother’s thought? I was pregnant. His father had told me a week before that “he wanted to marry me, but was just waiting on me.” This fact terrified me, and I immediately (as soon as we were alone) addressed this with my boyfriend. Because I am not ready to get married, and I sure as hell am not ready to have a child. 

My boyfriend’s parents are the type of people that kind of want him to be like them. Let me tell you, this isn’t necessarily a good thing. His parents met each other in college, they had sort of known each other before, but they were engaged and married after knowing each other for 6 months, basically. All of that, in one, yes. Three months—engaged. Three months later—married. His brother is my example number two. His parents are firm believers in not having babies out of wedlock. While my parents are too, my parents aren’t the type of people to make someone get married just because there’s a baby in the picture. My parents are smarter than that  ( I am not saying that his parents aren’t smart, but I’m definitely saying that they shouldn’t expect people to get married just because they’re having a child together. )

His brother knew the mother of his children for three months after they knew each other and were married within a month or two of that. They then separated a year and a half later after having one child, got back together, had another, and are now divorced. This is the perfect explanation of why people should not get married just because they’re having a baby. His baby momma is now suing him for child support and all that fun stuff. 

The point of this blog is just to seriously say that I’m not ready for a kid. His mother seemed to get all defensive when I used the excuse that “I can’t even take care of myself.” The truth is? I can’t take care of myself. I can’t take care of myself, go to school, have a husband, and a CHILD at the same time. When I have children, I want to give them the best life that they can have. I share moments of passion with my boyfriend, yes, and if God wants me to have a child, I’ll have a child. i graduate in a year, and I can only hope that God has my best interests in mind as well.  So far, God has kept every best interest in mind for me and has honestly led me to the place that I am today. i truly believe this, and believe that while some decisions I’ve made on my own, I know that there was someone watching over me helping me make these decisions. 

Just because you have a child does not mean that you have to marry the man that is the father of your child. You could have made a giant mistake with the man, but God gave you a beautiful blessing out of it. Take it as a blessing, not as a prison notice. If in your gut you feel that this man is a terrible man, leave. You should not spend your life worrying over someone whenever God has someone for you to be with. He has the perfect person for you, you just have to find them. However, you shouldn’t worry about this, because he will lead them to you. Don’t try to lead yourself to them. Don’t make stupid decisions. Do what your heart tells you to, because God knows what your heart needs.