Where did that girl go?!

Nearly everything changes. Nearly EVERYTHING will change at some point in your life, if not everything, and the way that you feel about it is going to be however you take it and what you take from it. 

I moved houses when I was seven, so I don’t remember it all too much. I remember liking the other house better, but I ended switching schools three years later and remember hating that. I remember losing someone who was very close to me, and I remember when I was a terrible speller. All of those things, however, now have changed. 

Your family composition might change throughout your elementary, middle and high school career, but college it might change drastically by who you consider your family. What’ll change the most, in my opinion, is your friends and the way that you think about things.  College will change you for better or for worse. It sounds like a marriage proposal, but to me, it practically is. You have to cater to it constantly or it’ll fail, you have to pay loads of money into it, you must remain constant relationship levels, and you’ll lose a lot of friends. Marriage, to me, sounds SO MUCH LIKE THAT. 

I lost a lot of friends my freshman year of college. I should say that it’s mostly my sophomore year because I feel like freshman year is the honeymoon stage. Unless you’re rushing a sorority/fraternity, or just cut off contact with the world; you’re more than likely one of those people who’re going to keep contact with the people you were just “best friends” with in high school. I had a couple of best friends, ones that I was very close to in high school. We’ve lost almost all contact and the last time I saw one of them, i didn’t know how to speak anymore— it was as if we were strangers all over again.

If you think about it, we’re all strangers at some point. Even your parents are strangers and you have to get to know them and they have to get to know things about you. It’s a fantastic learning opportunity to learn about new people, but it can hurt you, too. Personality types clash. They clash a lot. I’ve become a person that I’m terribly bad at confrontation. I used to be able to walk up to anyone and talk to them. WHERE DID THAT GIRL GO?! I, for one, would really like to know, because I’d happily trade the me-now for the me-in high school. The me in high school wouldn’t take any bullshit. A lot of people didn’t like me (which hurt me) but the me freshman year of high school was able to approach any situation and handle it like an adult. Now I just cry, even when I’m pissed off, I cry. That’s one thing that I wish I could change now, especially since I’m becoming more of a “grown up” (whatever that is?)

What’ll change the most other than your friendships, honestly depends on who you live with. If your personality clash is enough to make you feel uncomfortable: get out of it. Regardless of how comfortable you feel, do it. Today, what changed the most in my life for the week, is how adults in my life seem to be a lot less mature than I am. It’s very, very sad, but at the same time you have no control over other people. Don’t think that you do, because you don’t. You absolutely don’t.

I started this blog in two parts, the prior from when I thought everything was going right in my life. After writing that everything changes, everything did change. I no longer have somewhere to live in my house and made the living situation not so hot for the other people I live(d) with. I got told I was taking advantage of them; so I took the TV and the internet router, and then got ripped a new asshole for it. What I don’t understand is how someone can be blamed for taking advantage of other people whenever I did everything myself, I bought everything myself. I asked one of them for help once, and I graciously paid her back for it as well. I did nothing, and I am still getting the shit end of the deal. 

Basically, your morals in life will be extremely questioned. I always thought I was going to be a virgin until I was married thanks to good ‘ole Jonas boys, but ironically, Nicholas and I were deflowered right around the same time. Everything changed for us, except for the fact that he’s dating Miss Universe and has a billion dollars; while I’m sitting in my parents basement by myself, making less than $300 a paycheck and bumming for everything. 

i’m not saying “screw your morals,” but keep your morals strong or don’t keep them at all. Strong morals and the Lord are things that are going to get you through life. I should’ve realized this a long time ago, but I didn’t. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up bright and early and go to church, and hopefully start my day on a positive note. My morals were strongly questioned in high school and college, and I went against a majority of them. i shouldn’t have, but I can’t change the past. I can only better the person that I am now, and hope that the Lord can see the good in me and send good things my way instead of making this past week the worst week of my life.