So when I say this, I mean this with the utmost respect.
I am not ready to have children or be married.
Before I start explaining myself, let me actually explain myself. My sisters both had children before they were 20, and my mother had both of them before she was 21, so teenage/early pregnancy was a thing in my family. I was the proudest I’ve ever been when I beat teen pregnancy, and I say this with the utmost respect for those who had babies young. Sure, I’ve dissed them every once in awhile, but that’s because some people’s stupidity fathoms me. Some people wanted children when we were in high school, and I thought that they were crazy because who could want a child when you’re in high school and plan to have a child?
I just want to get my shit together.
My sisters are significantly (6 & 7 years) older than I, so I was influenced young at this. It was etched into my brain in middle and high school that I will not have kids when I’m a teenager and I will go to school, graduate, and become “successful.” My siblings have both tried school, but only my middle sister has succeeded. We’re both on track to graduate at the same exact time, with nearly the same major. I can’t help but think in the back of my mind that if our graduations are on the same day, they’d choose hers over mine, but that’s just the way that my parents are. Since this has been etched in my brain since such a young age, my parents have done all they can to prevent this, and so have I. Not just because it’s what my parents want, but because having a child at a young age is difficult, and I want to be something in my life before I decide to add more people to it in a family sense—legally and out of my vagina-ly.
The same goes with marriage. My parents were married when my mom was 17. I am way passed that, but I can tell you that when I was 15-18, my parents were terrified of every man that I brought around, because I was going to be just like them. There are two types of parents in this world: those who want their children to follow in their path, and those who want their children to follow the opposite path. My parents want me to follow the opposite, IF you didn’t catch that drift by now.
Moving forward to now.
I had a freak accident the other day with my boyfriend that ended up with me in the emergency room. I won’t go into any sort of detail, except for saying that my life was basically an episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER that night. It led to panic attacks, etc, and led to something that had to include conversations with both of our parents. My parents (rather just my mother) for insurance reasons, and his because of money reasons (since I wasn’t aware of my insurances’ policy and how paying went etc.)
His parents were first, since they live where I go to school. They were overjoyed at the thought of we went to emergency room for something involving me. His mother’s thought? I was pregnant. His father had told me a week before that “he wanted to marry me, but was just waiting on me.” This fact terrified me, and I immediately (as soon as we were alone) addressed this with my boyfriend. Because I am not ready to get married, and I sure as hell am not ready to have a child.
My boyfriend’s parents are the type of people that kind of want him to be like them. Let me tell you, this isn’t necessarily a good thing. His parents met each other in college, they had sort of known each other before, but they were engaged and married after knowing each other for 6 months, basically. All of that, in one, yes. Three months—engaged. Three months later—married. His brother is my example number two. His parents are firm believers in not having babies out of wedlock. While my parents are too, my parents aren’t the type of people to make someone get married just because there’s a baby in the picture. My parents are smarter than that ( I am not saying that his parents aren’t smart, but I’m definitely saying that they shouldn’t expect people to get married just because they’re having a child together. )
His brother knew the mother of his children for three months after they knew each other and were married within a month or two of that. They then separated a year and a half later after having one child, got back together, had another, and are now divorced. This is the perfect explanation of why people should not get married just because they’re having a baby. His baby momma is now suing him for child support and all that fun stuff.
The point of this blog is just to seriously say that I’m not ready for a kid. His mother seemed to get all defensive when I used the excuse that “I can’t even take care of myself.” The truth is? I can’t take care of myself. I can’t take care of myself, go to school, have a husband, and a CHILD at the same time. When I have children, I want to give them the best life that they can have. I share moments of passion with my boyfriend, yes, and if God wants me to have a child, I’ll have a child. i graduate in a year, and I can only hope that God has my best interests in mind as well. So far, God has kept every best interest in mind for me and has honestly led me to the place that I am today. i truly believe this, and believe that while some decisions I’ve made on my own, I know that there was someone watching over me helping me make these decisions.
Just because you have a child does not mean that you have to marry the man that is the father of your child. You could have made a giant mistake with the man, but God gave you a beautiful blessing out of it. Take it as a blessing, not as a prison notice. If in your gut you feel that this man is a terrible man, leave. You should not spend your life worrying over someone whenever God has someone for you to be with. He has the perfect person for you, you just have to find them. However, you shouldn’t worry about this, because he will lead them to you. Don’t try to lead yourself to them. Don’t make stupid decisions. Do what your heart tells you to, because God knows what your heart needs.
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