Have you ever had someone who will treat you like a princess in the sheets, but when you get out into the streets, they treat you like Regina George was treated when all she could wear was sweatpants? It sucks. It doesn’t just simply suck, but it really sucks, and if you wanna be like Jenna Hamilton and be ballsy with your frelationship, or whatever it may be, then I ADMIRE YOU.
Awhile ago I posted about my doppelgänger and how it seemed like we were drawn to each other. Well, Mother Nature proved me right again, and we are on speaking terms. That’s right! We are on speaking terms. We went to a restaurant, publicly, which is something we often did, but something we seldom did? Events with friends/publicly. We would “go out” publicly, but at the same time, we would be going to spontaneous restaurants all the time (that partook to me gaining a shitload of weight as well — high school me should’ve ran more track.) Any time we were around friends (mutual or one-sided) it was as if we didn’t know each other.
While Awkward portrays something that isn’t real life, some parts of it are real life. I’ve mentioned my promiscuity in high school/college (because I’m a basic white girl) and let me tell you, that part where she thinks Matty is just her fuck buddy instead of her boyfriend speaks to my younger self SO MUCH. My younger self would sleep with people to feel loved, to feel welcomed. It was until I was in public with said person that I would realize our true relationship (and deny it, because I didn’t have a Tamara sitting there telling me what was wrong with me, lbr.) I think the one that took the icing on the cake was the guy that was nervous to be around me in public. Now I’m a pretty tall individual, and it just so happened that tall people don’t have a thing for me, so I’ve had to succumb my life to dating short individuals. I’ve mentioned my obsession with frat boys, and this particular guy happens to be one of those. Oops. We met on Tinder because I’m cliche. I don’t know if it’s my fault for being a horny teenager, but we slept together not long after meeting each other (because I’m a slore, yeah.) He was super nervous about everything, but our relationship was trivial. We hated and loved (lusted, for lack of better word) each other, and mostly being in each other’s pants. Until my teenager-ness wore off and realized “hey! let’s be in a relationship!” We never made anything official (bc this man was an assfuck) but he would never want to be seen anywhere in public with me. He would never hug me goodbye, and would always drive across campus to see me, even though I walked to his house all. the. time. The final time we were “in public” together, he couldn’t even hug me because there was a woman in the car in front of us and “he was worried what she would think.” Granted, I looked like I was his fucking mom, but THAT DOES NOT MATTER. The point of this, is now he has a pilot license and that magically makes him sexy? and I’m confused at what the point of this blog post even is.
My doppelgänger and I talking has got me in weird moods, especially since I figured out that he’s being deployed soon. The funny part about that? The last time he was gone for a remote amount of time (basic training, bc that takes 4evr) he basically confessed his love to me. I don’t mean basically, actually, because he literally admitted it later on after I wasn’t smart enough to realize it. I’m in a relationship, yes, and I love that individual as well, but I do love my doppelgänger, too. As much as the other? Probably not at all, no, but I do still have love for him, and I just don’t want that to happen again.
Because you’ll always fall for the guy that wants you in private vs. the guy that wants you all over in public.
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