To you, his new girlfriend,
To you, this may sound like a bitter rant about one of my exes. To me, this is something I have held in for so long. I don't want you to go through the same things that I did because it will degrade you as a person and affect you way more than it ever should.
When you first meet him, he probably makes you swoon over his beautiful eyes, the things he says to you, and just overall the way he treats you. He'll make you feel like you're on top of the world and that you're the only person in the room when you're in public. He'll tell you about his child, everything about her, and you'll think that it's kind of cute how he's so into her when most teenage dad's weren't into their children when they were born. You think he's a special case and you'll fall in love with his child because he treats her amazingly. You'll talk until all ends of the night about your possible future together, way too early in the game, but you're completely head over heels so you don't mind. He'll tell you he's changed from his past relationships and he might also add in some horror stories about how bitchy his exes were, baby momma included.
Then after a couple of weeks, you'll start to notice something. You'll start to notice the eerie way that he always calls you "baby girl" and will never call you by your name. He'll never call you "beautiful" or any endearing names of that sort to compliment you as a person. You may occasionally go out and do things, but it is often seldom, and you'll get weirded out of the amount of time you're spending at his parent's house. You'll notice the way he hides his phone from you and you don't know the password to it, and this might make you worried. You'll notice how you feel that you shouldn't have gotten into a sexual relationship so fast, because this is all he wants. He'll make his ultimate goal to please you, and will make it seem like you never please him. You first admire his ability to go every day, multiple times, but soon get tired of the fact that he brags you can never please him.
You'll start to notice the way he treats his child like she is his sibling. Sure, she's older now than what she was whenever I was with him, but he more than likely still treats her like his younger sister, like she's a nuisance on his life. The child will turn to you for comfort, she'll admire every bit of your being because you actually care about her; you're there for her. You'll start to look at the way that he degrades you. You'll walk in his house, and his mother will tell you that you look beautiful. You'll feel so confident until you see him and he'll scoff and tell you that "she doesn't know what she's talking about". You may "play fight" a little, but you'll notice how it gets to be a little too much, maybe even to the point that you get hurt from it. When you're apart, you'll notice that he doesn't reply all that fast, but if you don't, then he has a serious problem with you that he'll address when he sees you later. That may coincide with some yelling, some shutting out, and some name-calling that will make you feel very unworthy of him. He acts like he's the king and you're his peasant. You're there to serve him and please him, occasionally maybe some emotional support and feeling will come out, but this is rare.
The biggest red flag you'll occur upon is the fact that other girls are writing on his Facebook wall, or liking his statuses. They say social media ruins our relationships, and you'll blow it off as he mentions that they're "just a friend". You notice yourself not getting jealous, because he has a "flirty personality" and apparently every girl on planet Earth wants him. You'll notice this until the day that he leaves his phone in the room and you've finally figured out the password to his phone, or he magically left it unlocked. Your gut will tell you to look through the messages he's sending to people, but then you'll think of yourself as a bad girlfriend. Whether you decide to or not is up to you, but let me tell you if you hadn't, you'd find messages from people with rude names, or maybe even their real name. Their conversations would have him calling the person beautiful, baby, and him telling them that they love them and can't wait to see them again. This will entirely break your heart, and you'll confront him about it. You'll have to listen to him degrade you even more, he may even lay his hands on you, and then he'll become emotional and cry about how "he didn't mean it in that way, she just took it the wrong way" he may mention something about "you know what I think about you so I don't need to say it, and you know I want you forever." He'll try so hard to make it seem like it wasn't anything that was his fault, and you'll brush it off because you care too much about his child and her well-being, that you feel if you would be left a part of you would be gone because of your attachment to her.
And even if you do get the point of leaving, something will tell you not to, because you know whatever he does, it'll haunt you. It will haunt you when you sleep, when you wake up, wherever you go, and anything you do will be scrutinized by his mother, and she'll then start to degrade every little thing you do as well, no matter how much she acted like she liked you. No matter how much you had in common.
I know you know me, and I know you as well. We went to high school together, and while we were never close, we had quite a few of the same friends; we even got mistaken for each other in the hallway. You're going to think I'm mentioning all this as an act of jealousy, when that's actually far from it. You see, I got a text message from this man not long ago that he was going to end his life. I attempted to make him in a better mood so he wouldn't take his life because I'm that type of person, nobody wants that to happen to someone. He told be the only way he would be happy was if I was with him. Shortly after he found you. I applauded him for finding you for a short time, until I started to see your interactions and the things he would say to you. They were the exact same things he'd say to me. "I'll get it for you, baby girl" (without the grammatical correctness because he thinks it's correct and if you say something, then he'll act like you're a real dumbass), posting on your Facebook wall of songs that he thinks remind him of you, and telling you that he just can't wait to see you. All while you're probably having a conversation via texting, maybe even the phone. He didn't do this with his last ex. He actually treated her like a person sometimes, but when it all ended she still told me "you were right." and that's definitely not something I yearn for, it's something that disgusts me.
I know deep down in my heart, that he hasn't changed as a person. If he changed, he'd be a completely different person, not near the same person that he is now. I'm not writing this out of jealousy or spite, regardless of how much I dislike him, but you don't deserve to be degraded. You deserve to be treated like a human being, like someone who he's not going to take you to a high school dance, grind on various other girls and expect you to think nothing of it. You deserve to be the person who's walked to your front door and simply kissed goodnight, not the person who's walking out the door after he demands you have sex, since "that's what you're supposed to do."
Finally, you deserve to be treated like the type of person you are; an amazing one. You deserve to be treated like the girl who's emotionally keeping a child somewhat stable. You deserve apologies. You deserve to be told you're beautiful, because you are a beautiful person at heart. You don't deserve to be degraded from someone who's getting satisfaction from other girls at the same time. You don't deserve to be the type of person who gets played for being the dumbass, gets degraded for who you are as a person, for the things you like and cherish. You deserve to be you, and he deserves to be him, but just because he deserves to be him doesn't give him the right to push you around and degrade like it's nothing. If this is happening, change it, because I want you to continue to be the bubbly girl walking around campus. I don't want you to be the person trying to keep yourself emotionally stable, because someone is abusing your emotions.
Sincerely,
the Ex-Girlfriend you knew that "randomly changed" in high school from some guy.
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