I can't support your short relationship to engagement jump

I cannot be excited or proud or happy for you if you’ve gotten engaged before you’ve even been in a relationship a year. 

Do I sound like a bitch? 

Probably, but let me break it down for you. 

We, as humans, are learning creatures. We as ANIMALS are learning creatures. Since we’re humans, however, we can think logically (most of the time) and do things for our own needs and wants unlike some creatures. Many creatures do what is in their nature (sex) while humans have somehow maintained the connotation that sex is something that is sacred and should only be for marriage. But….if the animals do it….??? Doves are life mates, as they should be, but I’m sure one dove checked out another dove every once in awhile, AS THEY SHOULD. 

I’ve been a relationship now for over two years and it’s weird. I never thought I’d be the person to be in a long-term relationship and thought I’d end up marrying my high-school sweetheart because I got pregnant from a drunken one-night-stand with him. Because that’s my life. In my relationship, however, we have both grown as people, but have grown as a couple. This is something that I believe should happen while you’re in a relationship. Not while you’re engaged, or when you have that piece of paper that says “marriage certificate.”

WHY is the sanctity of marriage being ruined?! Probably because of people like you. People like you who just liked that Facebook post about the two that are engaged after being in a relationship for two months. People like you who think this is okay. And people like you that want to be engaged after barely knowing someone!

You think you know someone. Truuuust me, I’ve been there. I basically moved in with my significant other the day after our relationship “officially” started. You read that right: the DAY after. With this, I like to think of myself as an expert on relationships…lolwaitno, but I like to think I have a teeny bit of insight on the subject. I’ve been through enough in my life, anyways. I learned something new about my boyfriend yesterday. I learn new things about him at least every week, and some of these things I’d consider deal breakers at times in our relationship. But relationships are about growing. 

Can you grow with the connotation of getting a ring on your finger after barely knowing someone?! Nope. Is it right and just to marry someone just because you’re having a child with them?! No. Can you grow when you’re getting married just to have sex with this person because God doesn’t think it’s right to have sex out of wedlock?! NO!

Getting married merely for the above is pathetic, in my opinion. I believe in God, and I have my entire life. Do I believe everything my religion says? No, and I don’t think I could believe everything one religion says because we are an ever-changing people, and our minds are meant to be twisted, messed with, and we are ultimately searching for our morals and values at least every other year because we feel lost or we feel that God and/or Jesus (and/or Mary, too!) failed us at some point in the process and we’re re-thinking this. Whether you publicize it on Facebook or not, I know you do/have/will/always will. 

The Bible states (somewhere, idk I haven’t gotten that far and my religion isn’t one of those that can spit out every verse from the Bible verbatim in an instant) that premarital sex is a sin and is something that should be confined to only a marriage. Other religions get further into this subjects, while some religions just disregard the situation at all going willy-nilly with all of the willy’s going into nilly’s train hole. Ya feel me? I’m not naming names, because I’m not shaming anyone’s religion, but everyone has different beliefs. 

Never in the Bible does it say

…”thou shalt get married if thou breaks their chastity vow.”

…”thou shalt get married quick [af] to not break their chastity vow.”

…”thou shalt divorce because you had a small disagreement and now you’re done with life.”

If you’re going to strongly believe that premarital sex is a sin, then you should believe that divorce is one, too, because that is somewhere in the Bible as well. Also, I’m pretty sure that Jesus would rather have you breaking your chastity vow than getting married just to do so. And don’t deny to me and tell me, because statistically those that are chaste and their virginity is bound to the Lord; GET MARRIED SUPER EARLY AND IT ENDS IN SHITSHOW(S) MORE THAN THRICE. Jesus probably had premarital sex. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that Jesus is a virgin. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that Joseph was a virgin, and some religions don’t believe that Mary the Virgin Mother was, indeed, a virgin. 

This being said, if you have sex with your significant other, you have a bond.  Granted, I, myself, have had way too many ‘bonds’ with people, but when you know, you know, ya know? BASICALLY: You’re probably going to have sex on your honeymoon and it’s going to be TERRIBLE. Your hymen is going to bleed all over those white cashmere sheets your future-baby-daddy thought were going to be ~romantic. He’s going to miss your vagina thousands of times because he’s never aimed for any hole other than the one that’s in the toilet and it’ll probably rip some part of your anus unless you’re lucky. He’s going to finish in less than a minute while you’re sobbing uncontrollably because you’re in excruciating pain, and then he’s going to want to do it again and again and again because it felt so good to him. And your vagina is going to feel like it’s about to corrupt amongst itself and you’re going to comply with it because Jesus said that’s what’s right. 

WELL JESUS PROBABLY DIDN’T 

Premarital sex has always been a “no no” and I really want to know why. I feel that if you take my honeymoon scenario and put it sometime into your relationship whether that be a month, a year, or a couple of anything’s, your relationship with God and those higher powers you believe in is going to be significantly different, and probably better. 

Wait, what?! 

YEP you heard me right.

God has a calling out there for us. For some of us, it’s priesthood, ministering, sisterhood, etc. and for some if us it’s marriage. And for some of those married people it’s children and so on and so forth. If God’s calling for you is marriage: then you’ll find someone. Just because someone seems perfect doesn’t mean that this person is your perfect someone. They could be Jane’s perfect person and when your husband finds Jane and is riding the Jane train and you’re on the way to divorce: you’re going to be fucked. However, if you would’ve rode your husbands train previously, you both would've known that your relationship is inconceivable at that point and you weren’t mean to be together. Instead, that vow you’ve made for the rest of your life you’re stuck with since you don’t believe in divorce either and you praise the Lord that much. 

Your husband could be a cheater and have 10 babies on the way…. 

Your religion doesn’t believe in divorce.

Your husband could decide that he’s going to bring home this woman and have sex with her, and since you live there you walk in on this. But you can’t leave….

Your religion doesn’t believe in divorce.

WELL I PERSONALLY DO. I’ve seen enough ex-parte action against abuse in marriages, but they won’t get divorced because they don’t believe in it. Same with suicides because people are that incredibly unhappy. But what would’ve solved that?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?..

BASICALLY…TLDR;

I’m not supporting your marriage because you’re getting engaged when you barely know a person, and your dumbass(es) shouldn’t either. Instead, put a dick in yourself and pray to a higher power that you know that this man is going to be your husband. And guess what, he might be, he might not be. We are a people of chance, but we are a people of power. and that power is a phenomenal thing when used wisely.

It's A Different World

I live in the same city, but I don’t.

It sounds weird, but it’s completely true. I know there’re several different aspects to each city and there are different suburbs/stereotypes in every city, but there’s one small exception to mine: it’s small. Unlike St. Louis which has its many adjacent towns that people will still refer to themselves as living in “St. Louis,” the town I live in is just that: that town. If you live in an adjacent city, you live in whatever that city’s name is as well, but not the one that’s nearest to it like those “St. Louis” people like to say. 

As a freshman in college my parents basically decided for me that I wasn’t going to live in the dorms, and I needed to find somewhere cheap to live. Student housing around here isn’t cheap at all and that’s where my friend wanted to live and asked me to live with her. Thank goodness at that moment she in a way backstabbed me and in a way didn’t, because I got out of that situation fast. Instead, I found a duplex on what people consider the “bad” part of town. The city is separated out into four sectors: the south side, the north side, ‘downtown’, and the east side. Apparently we don’t talk about the west side, though. I lived on what was the “north” side of the city. There was a nice subdivision that even had it’s own pool, but all around me were trailer parks and not-so-good looking areas. According to the “locals,” the so-called “new ghetto” was down the road from where I lived now because they were cheap duplexes and could fit a lot of people. I put my blinders on and went into the situation, signing a lease, because to me, it looked like a pretty good place. 

What I learned? Just because you live in a “ritzy north side neighborhood” doesn’t mean that it’s  a good place. I got several things stolen from me while I lived in this area. Granted, I lived on a street with all college students, but my car would be locked, and things would still magically disappear. One time, my neighbors went car-to-car searching with a flashlight and broke into every car they thought they had a chance in and stole my wallet. I’d had a bad night and left it underneath the passenger seat of my boyfriend’s car (we were neighbors) and magically the next morning it was gone. I was astounded when various neighbors contacted me saying they had my items. One of my neighbors had so graciously scattered my belongings around the neighborhood, took all of my change, and cashed a $10 check from my grandparents. Real winners, right? These kids were also typically “ritzy” children themselves. 

After various touts with neighbors and roommates, I decided that I wanted to move somewhere with my boyfriend. We stayed at each others houses often anyway and were literally next-door neighbors. My new roommates had a problem with him coming over, but our other neighbors could come over at any time and it “wasn’t a problem.” It was a pretty fucked up situation, and I decided that I wanted to get out of it as soon as I could. The subleasing fee was ungodly, and my boyfriend and I got ourselves into a bit of a situation with moving, so we found a last minute apartment, walked through one day, and signed a lease at McDonald’s less than 12 hours later. It was a whirlwind of opportunity and stress that had been relieved, and I didn’t know what I had coming for me. 

The apartment we moved into was now on the “south” side of town. I always thought that the “south” side of town wasn’t that far away, until we had to drive back and forth with our belongings through the snow to our new apartment. It was disgusting and we had to clean the entire thing. Our neighbors did not seem like the greatest of people, but our landlords had just bought the place, and it seemed like things were going up. Since this was on the “south” side of town, life started to become a lot different. It didn’t take me 15 minutes to the grocery store anymore, I had several back ways to get home, and I was closer to the road it took to get to my job and my parent’s house. 

Getting more accustomed to the life on the “other side,” I noticed a lot of different things. While I didn’t live in the nicest subdivision, I lived all around the ritzy ones. These “ritzy” ones were multimillion dollar neighborhoods and they had an array of beautiful houses, pools, etc.. None of the pools were “private” pools, and they were extremely nice people. I saw more Mercedes Benz SUV’s, Porsche’s, and Lamborghini’s, and I saw more kindness than I ever did on the “north” side of town (other than when I popped my tire on the curb, but let’s not talk about that because it was a real bad day.)

My ‘new’ neighbors are drug dealers. They’re EXTREMELY loud and annoying, but I’ve left my wallet on the front seat of my car for an entire week and nobody did anything. My ‘new’ neighbors are kind people, and even though I hate living in an apartment, I’d honestly consider re-signing a lease just because I love living on the ‘south’ side of town. We’re closer to everything, there’re more places that you can walk and don’t have to feel like you’re going to get shot, and there’re less “lock your doors! High thefts ahead!” signs which is ultimately comforting. 

It’s interesting to see life from a different city while still in the same city, though, but it’s an incredible thing.

And it’s incredible to have two of the heirs of the Wal-Mart fortune as neighbors. ;)